It actually never occurred to me how feckin’ little there
actually is to do in a seaside town when the weather is not so much “Laguna
Beach” but rather “caravan-episode-of-Father-Ted”. Since we arrived in
Montanita, the weather was steadily, well, shit for want of a better word. It
was pretty much solidly overcast for the best part of a week, though admittedly
it was warm enough to wear shorts and flip flops all day without feeling like a
very much out-of-place Gringo for once.
So, seeing as sun-bathing is relatively out of the question,
what to do eh? What to do…….? Well, the good, responsible tourists that we are,
we enrolled in Spanish classes with the “muy bonita” Gaby at the Marazul
Spanish School. From 9am to 1pm, we’ve had regular and irregular verbs coming
out our nose, even though the most I can still mumble in the outside world is
“muchas gracias, senor”.
So with our mornings filled, we have the afternoon to
ourselves, which allowed me to make some observations around town seeing as I
wasn’t nose-deep in a shitty chic-lit book whilst tanning my bum. After some
people-watching, it seems to me that about 1 in 5 people in this town actually
work; the other 4 seem to do nothing but hang around street corners like bored
teenagers, looking generally hippy-ish, hollering at their “hombres” and
offering cocaine or marijuana (or both) to anyone who appears vaguely like a
potential customer. One thing that HAS struck me about locals so far, and dare
I say, Latinos in general, is that, as racist as it is, they are mostly pretty
frickin’ lazy. Even when they do have jobs, e.g. restaurant waiters, you pretty
much have to wait an eternity to get any kind of customer service. Actually,
maybe I should reserve the following catty comments solely for the service
sector. You pretty much have to stand on the table and stamp your feet to get
their attention to get a menu, then you may be required to wolf-whistle or
flash your “tetas” to make an order, then wait about 15 mins for your drinks
(one being delivered first, your companion’s will follow another 5 mins after
that), and wait about 25 mins for a mere morsel of food. As for asking for and
paying the bill? Forget it; you may as well strap the cash to a carrier pigeon
and just walk away. No need for leaving a tip as they very thoughtfully include
a 10% service charge in the bill.
So there seems to be several types of people to be found in
the town; the employees, the drug dealers, the surf teachers (a job which only
borders on working really) and the sporty folk. The latter are to be found in
the gym or on the beach, surfing it up “Point Break”-style. And when the sun
comes out, all of these people do the same thing, just with less clothes on.
Which leads me on to the delightful fact that the sun finally came out in
Montanita. Immediately the town seemed to come alive, gringos and locals alike
gravitated towards the beach where all of a sudden there was volleyball,
football, surfing of course, and general awesomeness. Tat-sellers were
everywhere, trying to pawn off their plastic creations on you, and will return
to ask you about 3 times before you tell them to “F*ck off”, in so many words.
Kev, Bleddyn, Jamie and I attempted our own surf marathon on Saturday, which
was quite comedic for anyone shore-side I’d imagine. Think tall, gangly Gringos
in ill-fitting wetsuits, willingly throwing themselves headfirst into rip
current waves and trying with all their might to stand up on a surfboard like
new-born foals. A sight for sore eyes I’d imagine. Great fun all the same for
about 30% of the time, when you’re not swallowing gallons of seawater,
haul-assing from the shore back into the waves after your 23rd
failed attempt at catching a wave and getting hit in the back of the head with
your surfboard.
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| A much welcome sunny day on Playa Montanita |
Montanita, it cannot be denied is a great party town.
Whether you like it or not, various degrees of salsa and dance music will be
pumped out of every establishment with a speaker from Wednesday to Sunday,
pretty much all day. There are lots of restaurants and bars serving Happy Hour
cocktails which seem to be totally lacking in alcohol or for the more
discerning alcoholic, there is a street dedicated solely to cocktail stands,
aptly named “Calle de las cocteles”; Cocktail Street. Here you can get a pretty
potent “Orgasmo” for $3 or your favourite, the Long Island Ice Tea for a mere
$2.50. They’re strong and their cheap, like bargain-basement body builders.
There are a few nightclubs, allowing one to put into practice one’s salsa
skills, and thankfully, none seem to charge entrance fee, so you can spend your
money on grossly overpriced beers and cocktails. Yeah, don’t expect to sleep in
this town, it is very noisy and there are only a handful of hostels far enough
away from the noise in order to be able to get a decent night’s kip, but hey,
if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?!
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| Hostal Pakaloro from the beach |
Where we stayed: Hostal Pakaloro http://www.pakaloro.com/
How much?: $8 per person, per night for a double room, private bathroom. Normally $10 but there was building work going on so we got a discout.
Where we did our Spanish classes: Marazul Spanish School http://www.ecuador-spanishschool.com/
How much?: $6 per hour for mini-group (2 people); 20 hours for $120.
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